Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What I want...

I have been thinking a lot about being a mother, I know that I have a lot to work on, but I am doing my best. It brought up the question...

"what, as a mother, do i want?"

i want my kids to be safe, happy, healthy, successful in whatever they chose to be. i want my kids to be able to handle their trials and learn from them. i want my kids to have healthy relationships, i want my kids to think i'm the coolest person alive, i want my kids to learn to work hard, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. i want them to think about their future at a young age, i want my kids to be smart with their money, their education, their investments. i want them to hold tight to what we try to teach them, that God is good. i want my kids to stay close to the church. i want my kids to have faith that good can prevail. i want my kids to be able to stand firm in the storm of wickedness that this world is offering. i want them to be smarter than the average American thought of "you need this now, and you can pay for it later." i want my kids to be safe from porn, i want my kids to be safe from an abusive relationship, i want my kids to have great friends. i want my kids to not be bullied, i want my kids to value school, i want my kids to want to be good. i want my kids to want to stay morally clean. i want my boys to be loving and hard working fathers. i want my kids to always want to be sort of close but not too close so they have healthy relationships with their spouses and their family as an entity. i want them to be able to fix their own problems because of what i taught them. i want them to not do drugs, i want them to not drink, i want my kids to be best friends, i want them to be goody two shoes till their wedding night. i want my kids to basically be in a bubble that will protect them from anything harmful, anything wrong, and anything that will bring them pain.

as my thoughts swirled into a chaotic mess, and as i started to hyperventilate at the thought that my kids are going to have face so much before they move on from this earth...i stopped. wiped away the tears, i sat and i stared at my beautiful kids that i would lay down my own life for, and the final answer came to me:

"what do i want?"

"i want to be a good mother at every stage of their life. i want to be there for them and to be able to handle the choices (good and bad) they make with grace, humility, and love. i want to always be able to love them, and forgive them, and to always have open arms when they need me. i hope to be a good example that they would want to do what is right and good not by my words but by my actions."

so scratch all that other stuff.
i just want to be good for them.
that's all that matters.
nothing else can come close to that in my world.
i just hope to be a good one.

and that makes me nervous just the same.


April Hutchins said...

Oh Sally I totally agree. I am so glad that I get to stay home with my kids!!!

The Hafens said...

I LOVE THAT!!!! I hope for the same things too!! Your so awesome!!

Dani said...

GREAT post. SO heartfelt and everything you said is what I want too. It's a scary thing, motherhood.

Lori said...

Oh Sally you are such a good Mom your boys will learn great things from you and Lance. I feel the same for my girls.
P.S. You are the coolest person alive ;-)

Chad and Mackenzie said...

Thanks for the post. We feel so so many things as moms and it's hard to put them down in writing like that. I agree, sometimes I feel like I want to protect them from everything and then realize all I can do is teach them what they need to know to get back to the Lord. You're wonderful!

Jamie Broderick Photography said...

Wow, that was a great post sally. Makes me sad and happy at the same time. I agree with Lori on the coolest person on earth!!